super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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