No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Randomize
