Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
