he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
