I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
