Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
