I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
