i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
