As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
