It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Will exercising make me less horny?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
