$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
