im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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