you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize