i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dicks are not precious.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
