Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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