Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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