FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
