Can i not drive my cunt home
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
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good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
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She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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