we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
