Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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