is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
