I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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