Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
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my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My vagina is officially offended.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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