I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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