i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
