I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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