Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
