"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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