Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize