I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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