FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
