He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
