lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
