i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
