toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
