My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
