so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
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This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
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I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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