: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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