you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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