Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
