You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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