We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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