i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
