ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize