if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
