My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
