you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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