the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
