Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
