we're blogging at a bar
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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