i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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