I'm so fucking centered right now
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
