i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize