i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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