I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize