I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
