Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
