the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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