I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
