I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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