hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
