Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
BRING THE BAGELS
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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