Well douche your snatch and let's go!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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