i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
