I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
