Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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