My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just pynch a tree in the face
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
