I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
