Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
