You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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