Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
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Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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