Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
