I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
