If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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