I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
