youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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