Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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