im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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