some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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