you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
