My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
