I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
